she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
