If i come over, it means nothing
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
