sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
