a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
