Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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