i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
