did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
