She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
