Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
