I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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