I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
