You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
please come you make the beer taste better
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
