Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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