I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
