I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
