a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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