Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
