Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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