Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
