5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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