Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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