Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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