are you still at the devil's house?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
