Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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