Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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