i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
