my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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