tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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