I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
