brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
only you would photoshop your dick
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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