I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
