He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
