Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
