We won't sleep together?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
