she woke up with a sticky ear
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
