He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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