Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
