At least make sure they are 18
Why
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
