Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
