I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't deserve a penis
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
