No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
