So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
