Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
