I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
