I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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