You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
