Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
