I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
