I'm lost and stupid without you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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