so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Boobs are out for the taking
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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