I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
