you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
